Ang  hirap talaga ng kalagayan ko ngayon.  For the first time, I broke my record.  3 consecutive terms with failing grade plus (yeah! there's a plus!)  2 failing grades on the same term.  I'm not yet finished.  For the first time, take 3 ako sa isang course.  Sobra-sobrang pagpapabaya na sa pag-aaral.  I'm not like this back then (highschool i mean).  I never failed anything.  Yeah yeah! T'was highschool but who cares!  I don't have this attitude of giving-up on things especially with my studies.  I know my limitations but I really don't understand why I keep on failing.  What thing could I be proud of if I suck with my studies?  How could I be a millionaire?

Last night I was talking to my cousin.  I can still remember she has the same dilemma which I am now experiencing.  She said to me, "Di ka pa ba natuto sa kabobohan kong ginawa dati?"  I answered, "Yun na nga eh."

I'm afriad to tell my dad coz' I failed again.  I am worried to what things will happen to me.  Will he remove some of my allowance?  Would I be seeing him so strict for the first time?  He always tells me to cut off some of my gimik hours to study my lectures and stuffs.  The problem was I didn't pay attention to him.  I'm worried  'bout failing my scholarship.  My dad is a part-time professor at MIT.  He is still working there because his children.  To be free from the tuition fees and stuff.  Sa madaling salita, scholar ako ng tatay ko.  I'm afraid that the school would take it from me.

I'm also afraid on what he would say to me.  Coz' last 2 terms when I first failed a course.  He said, "Mahirap makakuha ng trabaho pag may bagsak ka.  Sa SMART inihhihiwalay ang my bagsak sa walang bagsak."  The way he says it that I'm destined to worked for SMART.  I don't have any intentions of working there anyway.  Last term, when I failed a course for the second time.  He said, "Mahirap makakuha ng trabaho pag maraming bagsak."  I'm afraid on what will he say this term when he knew that I have a failing grade and that I will take the same course again for the 3rd time.

After 3 more stick of cigar.  I decided that I would only tell him if only he asked me 'bout my studies.  I would be quiet and I would keep myself from mentioning anything that would lead the conversation to actually question me 'bout school.  I would probably say, "Kasi di ko po talaga kinaya eh.  Tsaka si SIR ANG po kasi yung professor ko eh.  Alam nyo naman yun."  My dad know actually how that professor kill students. LITERALLY.  They are co-faculty up to now.

My cousin also said that, I should go back going to church.  Maybe its a KARMA.  Honestly, I don't go to church regularly since I graduated from Highschool.  The only reason keeps me from going to church is that I would go to church with my family.  Now, that we don't usually go to church, I better go there by myself.  And I don't want to reason out that I would go to church only for me to pass all my courses.  That's bad.